i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
