Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
