My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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