i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
