Whod you bang
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
