Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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