I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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