I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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