i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
