Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
