C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
