i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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