Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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