im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
