I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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