They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
