actually, I'm a sock model
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
