Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
