Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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