Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
