Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
