TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
