We're facebook friends in real life
even my farts smell like vagina
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
