My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
