Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
