Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm too high and old for this...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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