her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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