i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
