He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
