you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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