He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
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