matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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