their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
