If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
