wat bout pragnant strippers??
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
