Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Randomize
