Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
