We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
