Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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