Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize