Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
