Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
