Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
