Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Randomize
