there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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