eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
