Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
NoShamevember. You game?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
