She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
