I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
