you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
