did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize