There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Acid is not a monday night drug
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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