when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize