Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
