Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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