we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Randomize
