If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
