After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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