Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
