I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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