I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
