I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
True college students do jello shots in the library
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
