I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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