I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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