You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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