xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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