How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
