I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
