Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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