you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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