nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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