im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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