sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
