no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
