all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Randomize
