Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
