I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she smelled like a LAN party
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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