There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
