I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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