he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
what day is it and did you see me today?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
