I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
