her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
