I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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