I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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