Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
