Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
