Pants 0. Shit 1.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
