two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
