You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Terrible idea I love it
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I need a beard to bite.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
