so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
